My last journal is filled up. Meanwhile I'm using an app on my phone and today the phone just won't cut it. Today my journal is THESEARCHINGQUEST, the blog I started in highschool.
All day I've been talking to old people. Its my first day as a life insurance broker. Old people appreciate a good conversation The joy of service fills my day when I listen to their wisdom and stories, and random babbling about politics.
When I'm old, looking back on life, what really mattered? Most people live like the world is watching. People driving in their cars, lost in their own busywork. Does accomplishing a "to-do" list mean something?
I think about God creating the world. He made the whole world! Yet, somehow that doesn't mean anything, if I forget why he made it.
Tonight, as dramatic as it is, I want to decide who I want to be. There is no Rocket-scientist basketball player accountant. We choose what measure we are going to fill. "Jack of all trades, but master of none." is the statement of a failure, because I was never excellent at anything.
The world has a lot of distractions. Each distraction can be filtered out by a dream. In Buddhism, mindfulness is accomplished as we focus our energy on the present moment. It doesn't matter what it is, so we might as well choose what we like (within righteous limits). Then we accomplish an enhanced sensibility to the spirit. That is a Buddhist Teaching (see The Heart of Buddha's Teachings, chapter 11).
If I focus on my main talents, and magnify them, then I will have many talents. It will take time. At these early stages of my adult life, there is only time to build a foundation.
My best talents: Patience, Public Speaking, Snowboarding, Writing, Gospel Thinking and Conversation.
My desired talents: guitar, skateboarding, dancing, singing
Things I like: Short Films, Dating, Quality Movies, Reading, Movie Making, Youtube Research.
Our ability to learn is based on our capacity to ask the right questions, and then to have an open mind to all possibilities and an open heart to the spirit. This is how I try to Live: tell me something good!
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Monday, March 21, 2016
My Daily Planet Travel
Today I took my dog out to "go potty" and since I wasn't in a rush for anything, I let him sniff around until he found some grass to nibble on. Meanwhile I was listening to "The Little Prince" on audiobooks. It's a children's story of an alien boy traveling from planet to tiny planet. The breeze sounded past my ear bud. There was nobody on the street. For a moment I felt completely alone. I could have been the only person left on the planet. It was so quiet.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
A Letter in the Dusty Bag
Today while cleaning the dark and dusty corners of our kitchen cabinets, I found a plastic bag full of things from my youth. Some of the schoolwork had the year 2003. Among the old drawings of Molly and Marcus and Tara I found a letter. My own name caught my eye, and a few moments later my breath became shallow. This was a letter from my birth mom to my parents.
A few things I discovered in this letter: Max is my next blood brother at 18 years old. My mom had romantic troubles as well. She had me with some boyfriend, was divorced with 3 week old Max by an irresponsible father, and finally came through with a temple marriage. "I'm done screwing up, I promise," she said to my parents. How many times have I said that in my own life?
She talked about not having enough time to snowboard. She talked about her marathon goals and how she runs 3 miles in the mornings. She apologized for not writing more frequently. The paper was informative and spiritual. She goes to church every Sunday, juggling all of the "to dos".
This feeling that she is like me is strange. How much does her personality affect my decisions? If I get to know her well, will I learn things about myself? Maybe with the mistakes she's made, she can help me see my own path a little clearer.
An illegible signature left me guessing:
I still don't know her name.
A few things I discovered in this letter: Max is my next blood brother at 18 years old. My mom had romantic troubles as well. She had me with some boyfriend, was divorced with 3 week old Max by an irresponsible father, and finally came through with a temple marriage. "I'm done screwing up, I promise," she said to my parents. How many times have I said that in my own life?
She talked about not having enough time to snowboard. She talked about her marathon goals and how she runs 3 miles in the mornings. She apologized for not writing more frequently. The paper was informative and spiritual. She goes to church every Sunday, juggling all of the "to dos".
This feeling that she is like me is strange. How much does her personality affect my decisions? If I get to know her well, will I learn things about myself? Maybe with the mistakes she's made, she can help me see my own path a little clearer.
An illegible signature left me guessing:
I still don't know her name.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Live Life, just not all at Once
My Dad is my life counselor.
My heart and mind feel at peace.
In these last few months I've discovered what I want to do. I'll learn Chinese and probably Arabic. I'll graduate with a bachelors in international relations. One day I'll travel to China and the Middle East. One day, one year, but not this year. All my plans, in that hour talk with my Dad, were converted into a solid platform for my future. The old plans were reinforced by all the right reasons, but that is not enough.
Mosiah 4: 27
And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.
Now I more of that peace of focus from the mission. God will bless my path, no doubt. One of the commandments is to honor my parents. It doesn't mean I always have to do what they say, but it does mean I need to humbly listen to them.
And suddenly there shines a brighter hope for the future.
My heart and mind feel at peace.
In these last few months I've discovered what I want to do. I'll learn Chinese and probably Arabic. I'll graduate with a bachelors in international relations. One day I'll travel to China and the Middle East. One day, one year, but not this year. All my plans, in that hour talk with my Dad, were converted into a solid platform for my future. The old plans were reinforced by all the right reasons, but that is not enough.
Mosiah 4: 27
And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.
Now I more of that peace of focus from the mission. God will bless my path, no doubt. One of the commandments is to honor my parents. It doesn't mean I always have to do what they say, but it does mean I need to humbly listen to them.
And suddenly there shines a brighter hope for the future.
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